Friday, December 26, 2014

Happy Fucking New Year!

A few weeks ago, with no real planning on my part, I made "Merry Fucking Christmas" ornaments for my FYeahJewelry Etsy shop. Almost immediately, a custom requested this set:
Fuck all the days.
Actually, she requested the first four. I added the happy fucking birthday because, well, wouldn't you? 

I really cannot overstate how much I love my customers. They are the fucking BEST. Although, even with their help in looking towards future holidays, I still find myself here on Dec. 26th just now remembering to list the Happy Fucking New Year! key chain on Etsy. Fuck.
happy fucking new year key chain
I tried using a balloon to edit the text, per Etsy's rules, thinking
that it would look festive. It looked like sperm. :/

I've written before about how, if I was in charge, I'd command everyone to just:
Just try it. You'll like it.

But as we head into 2015, I'm going to update my advice to this:
show a little fucking compassion

Let's be nicer to each other. Not fake nice: I'm talking REAL FUCKING COMPASSION. Just a little. For yourself as much as anyone else.

Happy fucking new year!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Merry Fucking Christmas!

Merry Fucking Christmas.

As with most everything, I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas.

I love giving and receiving gifts. I love time with family and friends. I love winter. I love making things that end up as gifts.

I hate mass, crass consumerism. I hate waste.
My "environmental outrage" charm bracelet. 

And I HATE shopping malls that blast "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" throughout the entire parking lot when it is 70 degrees and sunny! Southern California, you have many wonderful things, but winter is not one of them!!

Ah, ok now. So. Gifts. Great. Love 'em. But this?

First, there are 15 days till Christmas. Hardly "last minute" by my definition. And then ... the ENTIRE STORE is on sale. So basically, any time you have ever bought something that wasn't on sale, you overpaid. And lastly, the fine print. "Up to" 60% off. So the degree of discount varies widely.

I love a deal as much as the next person, but I hate being tricked and having prices marked up just so they can be artificially marked down again.

Selling is a struggle for me. Even my own damn creations, which I fucking love. Because I really believe:
  • You should not buy more than you need.
  • You should only buy what you really love.
  • Retail craziness is destroying the world.

Yes, you could argue that by making and selling anything, I'm a hypocrite/human. But gifts really are wonderful. Art really is wonderful. You can shop and give and celebrate without being destructive. Which I feel like people who shop from us little guys are making an effort at doing. So thank you. 

And as a side note - if you're buying from an individual artist/crafter/maker - chances are their prices are already too low. I understand the urge to discount everything, but oh my FUCK I wish people would stop racing to the bottom. 

I do offer discounts for repeat customers and large orders. I truly appreciate everyone who uses their hard earned dollars to purchase some of my handmade work. 

But 60% off the entire store? It ain't fucking going to happen. Although I did price my "Merry Fucking Christmas" ornament at about half my normal price. And put a discount code in my shop heading for orders over $75.

Happy fuckin' holidays!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Fuck Zombies

It is that time of year. The days are shorter, the temperatures lower. Everyone's drinking pumpkin blood/lattes and stomping through the falling leaves.

Even here in Southern California, people are playing the part. Yesterday it was seventy degrees, so I wore a long sleeve shirt and Chipotle had heaters on their patio to ward of that chill. Seventy, brrr! I found the autumn leaves above in the mountains above Palm Springs. Quite a trek, but worth it. Anyway...

I like Halloween, I really do. It was my favorite holiday growing up. But as an adult, it just isn't as cute. It's all gore and horror. And zombies.

Fuck zombies.

In honor of Halloween, I'm running a special on Fuck Zombies key chains in my Etsy shop.

Because whether you love 'em or hate 'em, you can't argue with fuck 'em. Plus, Halloween should be about candy, costumes AND gifts. Especially gifts with tiny skulls.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Smart Women Say It

I started FYeah Jewelry for fun. It was completely different than my other jewelry, and completely different than the saccharine affirmations that I felt our culture was (is!) drowning in.

But the longer I make F-Bomb jewelry, the more important it feels.

It is important to tell the people you love that you really fucking love them.

It is important - especially for women - to speak up about what is fucked in the world, to celebrate what is awesome, and to not have their opinions silenced or made pretty all the time.

It is important to take ourselves seriously, but not too seriously.

Smart women say fuck. Its true. And plenty of smart women choose not to say fuck - at least not out loud. That's ok too. What bothers me is when people get so hung up on the word, that they miss the meaning. Or get so flustered by the idea of a woman saying something "vulgar" "wrong" or "offensive" that they lose their freaking minds.

Fuck is truth, y'all. Or as one of my friends first described my jewelry, "it's like a meditation. Fuck brings you to the present moment."

What can I say: my friends are smart women.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Bumper sticker belief systems

Last night, I sold the first of my new "Read a Fucking Book" charm necklaces on Etsy. I'm not sure why it took me so long to make this particular charm (disorganization? overwhelm? so many fucking ways to say fuck, so little time?) but I am so glad I finally did.
Read a Fucking Book charm necklace. By FYeahJewelry on Etsy.

"Read a Fucking Book" was the first bumper I ever purchased. Well, that and "This bike is a pipe bomb." I got both at a little shop in Hood River, Oregon. I'm actually anti-bumper sticker. Call me paranoid, but I don't really want to give someone a reason to rear-end me.* So, as much as I fucking loved my bumper stickers, there was no way I was going to put one on my car (although I put the pipe bomb one on my mountain bike, where it confuses people to this day.) I put it on the inside of a little storage locker where I stored my gloves and other gear.

I think this is the *exact* sticker I bought! It is still available.
However, I don't think I hid it out of shyness. I hid it away because it was for my amusement only. I didn't care if anyone else saw it or liked it, and I really didn't want to have to defend it to the purity police or profanity patrol. **

I still feel this way today about my jewelry. Although I fucking love it, and I love that other people love it, it isn't about making sure everyone notices my beliefs and plastering it in giant type across the surface of my vehicle, or t-shirt. My charms are kind of like an inside joke. It is not about changing anyone else. It is just having the confidence to do or say or wear what makes you fucking happy, and sharing it with the people you know will appreciate it too.

Read a Fucking Book continues to make me happy. The book I'm currently reading is The Tent, by Margaret Atwood. She's fucking brilliant.

*I'm probably projecting here. I'm sure I'm the only one in the world who has ever felt a surge of rage upon reading some asshole's loud, obnoxious, vinyl philosophy of why said asshole rules the world, as that asshole nearly runs little law-abiding you off the road. Yep, I'm the only one ever.

**I'm not even sure who my imaginary authority figures are, but I envision them as mice riding around in a tiny police car, complete with flashing blue lights and a speaker that projects Morgan Freeman's most serious tone of voice.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I like turtles

Maybe you like turtles, too. Maybe not. Either way, that's ok. We each have a right to our own opinions.

But damn, I've been feeling massively annoyed lately at how women are losing ground in this country. Yeah, I'm looking a you, old men of the Supreme Court.

One bright spot for me was discovering SaturdayChores on Tumblr.

It has been called satire, but I think it is just a great reality check. Really, someone's opinion about what another person should do with her body is about as random as telling her how awesome pet turtles are.

Unless it is your uterus or your home, you don't get to decide who lives there. Why is this so hard to understand? We each have a complicated life of our very own. Do the best you can with whatcha got and let other people do the same.

For kicks, I made a treasury list of turtle stuff on Etsy. I know nobody gets the joke, and that's ok.

But really, please, get the fuck out of:
  1. The way of women taking care of their health
  2. Other people's private affairs
End rant. Enjoy your weekend chores. :)

GTFO bracelet by FYeahJewelry on Etsy.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

I'm not fired

My kiln stopped working.

The fix is relatively simple, but I have to wait for the replacement parts to arrive.

I think I need this bag from KnotworkShop on Etsy.

I make fucking jewelry, and now I can't. But with the goal of being a fucking professional, I'm offering 20% off orders placed through 7/31, as long as you understand that I can't make custom pieces for about a week. If you're ok with that, then you can score a deal! I hardly ever do coupons. Unlike department stores that mark up their shit before putting it on sale, I just offer fair prices for the fucking "unique" jewelry I make.
So! Code is KILN14. 20% off. Fuck yeah!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I fucking love you!

Wow, FYeah Jewelry might have the most listings on Etsy for I fucking love you!


Why? Because every time someone buys or receives one of my I fucking love you or We fucking love you gifts, it means the amount of love (and laughter!)in the world is increasing.

 Yes, I can be a total fucking sap.

If you don't like it, fuck off ;) Handmade with fucking love.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I fucking love you Dad!

Truth be told, my dad is old school and would not be pleased with an "I fucking love you Dad!" keychain, no matter how sincerely offered.

But plenty of other people - you know who you are! - have dads who would totally appreciate a handmade gift that tells them how much you love them for Father's Day.

After a Mother's Day request, I've starting making my FYeah keychains in two forms - "I fucking love you!" and "We fucking love you!" That way you can go in on a gift with your siblings (or spouse/partner/terrier/pygmy hedgehog) or choose to one-up them by choosing the perfect gift all by yourself.

Save by buying both keychains as a set - maybe for their anniversary? Or just because? 

Father's Day doesn't have to be a boring holiday. This year, make dad's day FUN! Show him how much you love him, and have a laugh at the same time. Win win!

And, since I mentioned pygmy hedgehogs, check out this video of a kitten meeting a ph. You might die of cuteness. Don't go to YouTube and watch more hedgehog videos unless you can afford to disappear for a week.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Nothing is fucked here, Dude.

As part of a yoga workshop I was at last weekend, there was a presentation on some of the Hindu deities and archetypes. I've always liked Ganesh, or Lord Ganesha if you prefer. He's half elephant, and elephants are awesome. Plus he is known as the remover of obstacles, and who doesn't have some obstacles that need removing?
Chocolate Ganesha, removing the obstacle of hunger.

Ganesha in a bar, removing the obstacle of sobriety. Or perhaps he was blocking the path to the bar, adding an obstacle. One never quite knows what Ganesha is up to.

The presenter, Dr. Manoj Chalam, clearly could have spoken for days, his knowledge was so vast, but instead he had an hour to discuss the symbolism and archetypes of a few deities. Luckily he started with Ganesh, and briefly made reference to an article his friend had written linking John Goodman with Ganesha. How could I have missed this? It is so obvious once you see.

It is all ok. Nothing is fucked here, Dude.

Dean Sluyter writes: "As with all the gods, the point of Ganesh is that he is us -- us when we have stepped into our full glory, no longer crammed into the rickety little poor-me/great-me life stories we've been driving around in all this time. Ganesh's big ears are for ever-receptive listening. His trunk is strong enough to uproot a tree, yet sensitive enough to shell a peanut: that's how to do stuff. No pale ascetic, he chows down on platefuls of sweet desserts. And with all his great mass, he loves to dance. In short, he's a lot like John Goodman."

So, in honor of John Goodman, The Big Lebowski, Ganesha and the general state of the world, I've added a new saying to my Etsy shop.
big lebowski key chain nothing is fucked here dude
Big Lebowski key chain available at

 Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Of course, everything IS fucked, too. But its all ok.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Fuck Sibling Rivalry

Once again, my customers are proving to be much smarter than I am. While my "I fucking love you!" and "I love you so fuckin' much!" key chains have been very popular gifts, I had missed something obvious.

How many holidays or events do you give a gift not as an individual, but as a couple or a group? For Mother's Day and Father's Day, kids often join forces on gifts. And when you have a significant other or spouse, almost all gifts are from we instead of just me.

So, thank you Katie for requesting I make the We Fucking Love You key chain so that you could give a meaningful gift to your cuss-lovin' mom from both you and your brother. I made more so I could add it to the regular product line for FYeahJewelry.

From the beginning, my tagline for FYeah has been "jewelry for the awesome as fuck." Who is more fucking awesome than mom?

Of course, if you're an only child - or just want to be mom's favorite by giving her a better gift than your siblings do - then the I versions are still available.

Fuck Hallmark this Mother's Day. xo!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Where the Fuck does time go, anyway?

Well, howdy bloglandia!
Seems I fell into a space/time black hole and lost an entire month. Or did I get swallowed by a whale?

No, I don't spend *every* day at the beach. But it is damn tempting.

So, to pick up where I left off in January - romance wins. Yay!
The "I fucking love you" and "I love you so fucking much" key chains were definitely the best-sellers in my FYeahJewelry Etsy shop during February. But we aren't actually surprised, are we? Love always wins.

So far in March, the best fuckin friends necklaces have been popular.

 Plus I've been busy with some custom orders.

And, I need your help here. The friend who requested this keychain said that she and her husband "sing" this to each other all the time. Is it actually from a song? Beyonce / JayZ maybe? I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand the reference. "I fucking love my husband" ...

But I guess I'm over that since now I'm admitting my ignorance to the entire interweb. WTF. :)

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Fuck Valentine's Day!

I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day. Ok, that's not entirely true. In grade school, when the focus was purely on glittery craft projects and heaps of sugar, I loved it.

But the adult version - a dozen red roses, sappy greeting cards, tacky "erotic" gifts - fuck no. No cherubs for me.

I'm not a cynic. I'm all for love. Just not the shrink-wrapped, mass-produced, artificially saccharine idea of "love" we are inundated with this time of year.

However, as someone who makes things that make great gifts, I have to admit it is fun to sell fucking jewelry around Valentine's Day. My love affair with the word fuck is based on its versatility, its inherent duality. So I'm excited to see *which* side of fuck wins this Valentine's Day.

Will it be the Go Fuck Yourself variety?

The classic Fuck You? You have to admit, the heart makes it pretty sweet.

Or will romance win...

I love you so fuckin much!

I fucking love you! (Keychains are great for guys and girls who don't wear much jewelry. Just sayin'.)

Right now, the romance side is slightly ahead. But not by much. As self-appointed monitor of Valentine's Day 2014 sentiments, I will let you know who comes out ahead in the end. :)